One Shot in the Dark
by McAwsome
Summary: A series of random mental images turned in to one-shots; some of that follow a plot, and others that don't. Tis simply a selection of silly stories starring our favorite characters. May contain nuts. AU-ish.
1. Voodoo Magic

Author's note: Seriously, read my past works, I'm famous for these author's notes. This is a first attempt at _How To Get Away With Murder_ FanFiction. Clearly the characters and a few of the quotes are not mine. This story kind of wrote itself after something the character Asher said in episode 7. I tried to keep the characters sort of/ kind of/ not really in character. Don't take it seriously, it is intended only as a fun read. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to do further chapters or call it a one-shot. Thanks as always for your interest, and of course enjoy!

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><p>The Keating Five had just walked out of the courtroom and into the hallway. The group was having several discussions amongst themselves. Topics such as where they were going for lunch and who was doing what with who mingled interchangeably with discussion of the case.<p>

One of the girls let everybody know that the mystery dude who had approached Connor earlier was approaching and Asher shrieked; "You forgot his name and he's still into you. What, do you have some kind of voodoo penis?"

That's when Connor surprised everybody by enthusiastically responding "Yes actually."

"Excuse me?" Laurel looked confused, though, no more so than the rest of the team.

"I have a magic penis," Connor repeated to his dumbfounded associates. "Seriously, it does tricks! Want to see?"

"Duh," Asher belted, "but like, not in a gay way."

Connor rolled his eyes and ducked into a conveniently placed supply closet.

Asher grabbed Wes and Laurel by the upper arm and pulled them in with him.

"Really guys?" Laurel groaned as she allowed Asher to pull her in.

"Do we really have to do this now?" Wes grumbled, crossing his arms and staring at the ground.

Inside the closet, Connor was unbuttoning his pants.

Asher eyed the other man, trying not to blink for fear that the magic would happen when he wasn't looking.

Connor was now talking softly to his penis, almost as though it had performance anxiety and he was giving it a pep talk.

The door opened and Michaela walked in talking a hundred miles a minute, "hey, I saw all of you duck in here so I thought I'd come too. Are we discussing the case? What's going- oh my god!" she turned around and walked back out. This time it was Laurel grabbing somebody.

Pulling the other girl back into the closet she said, "Oh no you don't. We're all in this together now."

"What the hell is going on here?" Michaela wanted to know. The girl looked terrified, her gaze bouncing between Connor and his genitalia and the rest of the crew standing around awkwardly trying not to look.

"Connor has a magic schlong," Wes said dryly. "Supposedly it does tricks, but so far all he's done is talk to it."

"Hey," Connor reprimanded, "good things take time."

"This is so weird," Michaela groaned.

A few minutes passed and the group tried to pretend that everything was fine and that nothing out of the ordinary was happening. They tried to ignore the awkward vibe that settled over the group when everybody stopped talking.

"Okay," Connor announced, "It's ready. Don't everybody crowd around at once."

"Alright!" Asher bellowed, "Let's do this!"

"I'm so uncomfortable right now," Laurel whispered into the space near Michaela's ear. The other girl gave her a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

"What's supposed to happen here?" Wes asked, looking uncomfortable as well.

"Ask it a question," Connor told him. "It knows all sorts of things. Yes or no questions only. It's pointing straight out right now. If it goes to the left, the answer is yes. If it goes to the right it's a no."

"Does one plus one equal two?" Wes asked in the general direction of Connor's groin. He felt nervous, as though the thing were watching him.

Everyone watched in amazement as the magic thing in question moved to the left.

"Now ask it a question where the answer is no."

"Am I as cool as Batman?" Asher wanted to know.

Conner's Magic thing moved to the right.

"Damn," Asher sighed.

"It's just a coincidence," Michaela scoffed. She leaned down and said in the direction of the elephant in the room, "Did the supreme court case of Brown vs. The Board of Education concern the city of Akron Ohio?"

Silence fell over the group of students gathered in the closet as they held their breath in anticipation. Was this all just a coincidence as Michaela believed, or did Conner's naughty bits really have magical powers.

Somebody gasped as they watched as it slowly, almost intentionally moved from its neutral position to the right.

"That thing is amazing!" Laurel squeaked.

Connor smirked. "How do you think I graduated top of my class?"

"Studying?" Michaela suggested, rolling her eyes.

Asher snorted at this as Connor put his manhood back into his trousers.

"Dude, you should quit school and take that thing on the road!"

"Yeah," Rebecca agreed. "People would really pay to see that. I actually have a question for it."

Everyone looked up when Rebecca spoke.

"When did you get here?" Wes asked.

"I snuck in while Connor was playing with himself and the rest of you were standing around awkwardly." Rebecca shrugged. She looked at Conner. "What do you say? I'm sure everyone in here wants to know the answer."

They all looked around in agreement.

"Alright," Connor shrugged, whipping it out one more time. "Ask away."


	2. The Wrong Set

Authors Note: Amusing mental images are the basis of most of my stories. This one is no exception.

Chapter 2

It was getting late and the students were falling asleep with their noses buried deep in various case documents.

"Why don't we just ask the guru?" Rebecca suggested, scooping a handful out of the large bowl of bacon she'd brought in with her.

Everybody looked thoughtful for a moment, each remembering the scene from the supply closet. Asher made an attempt to steal some of Rebecca's bacon using the classic move where a guy stretches his arms straight up and them brings one down around the shoulders of the girl on his side with the added twist of reaching for the bacon. Rebecca swatted his hand away.

"Get your own," she snarled.

Asher slumped in defeat.

"We need facts," Michaela declared with an annoyed air to her tone, shaking her head in an attempt to wake herself up. "If we do that, how exactly are we supposed to explain where our facts come from?"

"What evidence do you have to support this information?" Laurel asked in a deep man-ish tone dripping with mockery.

"I don't need evidence," Connor leapt forward flamboyantly, striking a superman pose and thrusting out his hips, "I have this!"

"That's never going to stand up in court," Wes explained, glaring at the other students as he perceived their jokes to be mean spirited.

"On the contrary," Connor exclaimed. He wiggled his hips for emphasis, "this thing can stand up anywhere!"

"What is the matter with you?" Michaela complained, disgusted by the man's antics.

"I see your point," Rebecca conceded dryly as she offered Wes some bacon.

Connor beamed, perceiving an innuendo in her statement.

"I guess I walked myself into that one," Rebecca sighed, seeing the look.

"Where are my suck-ups?" A loud voice was heard somewhere in the background. Asher had been thinking about making a 'that's what she said' comment, but it was lost in the confusion that followed.

There was a crash.

The students looked at each other in surprise as a short woman in blue scrubs burst through the wall and was suddenly in their midst. She was looking at them all with disgust.

"First things first," she shouted at them, "Don't bother sucking up, I already hate you and that's not going to change."

A timid looking man wearing a headset gingerly stepped through the hole in the wall grimacing at the damage the tiny woman had done.

"You're on the wrong set Chandra!"

"Again? Damn it," The woman complained, ignoring the shell shocked grad students in front of her and heading back through the wall.

A crew of men dressed as ninjas descended from the ceiling to patch the hole with a tarp.

What followed was several moments of shocked silence.

Finally Wes got up and made some more coffee and the study session continued into the early morning hours.

Around 4am with a little guidance from the Super Schlong, a breakthrough was made.


	3. The Twin

Author's Note: Bet you haven't heard this one before.

3

Wes and Connor cowered behind Laurel in terror. They had arrived at the Keating house on Wes' insistence that Rebecca would be there, and that she might be in trouble. Nobody could have predicted the scene they would encounter. Well, almost nobody…

Before them, next to the dead body of Sam Keating were Michaela and Rebecca. Michaela was rocking herself, crouched in the fetal position while Rebecca ate a slice of cold pepperoni pizza.

"He was going to kill me!" The girl shrieked through bites of her pizza.

"Looks like the gang is all here," A familiar voice growled from behind them.

The study group turned as a unit and found themselves face to face with…

"P-P-P-Professor Keating?" Laurel stuttered, staring into the face of her law professor's husband. She did a quick double take, making sure the body on the floor was who she thought it was. "If you're….if he's….what?"

Wes stepped over the body on the floor and moved to comfort Rebecca as a wet spot appeared down the front of Connor's trousers.

"That would be my twin brother Denzel." Sam informed the terrified students.

"Does Annalise know?" Wes asked, he had his arm around Rebecca, but his eyes were on the body. "How many people have touched the body? Where is the murder weapon?"

He looked up to find Sam holding a gun on him. The older man pointed to the bloody trophy in the corner.

"Pick it up," he ordered gruffly. He gestured threateningly with his gun, "Now!"

Realizing that the man was seriously losing it, Wes scrambled to pick up the trophy. He grasped it in his hand and held it out.

"Now what?"

"Pass it around," The man shouted. The kids took several moments to hot-potato the trophy around the room, several of them recognizing the significance of the gesture. When the last young person had touched the trophy, they looked to Sam for further instruction. "You are all in this with me now."

"Ask it," Michaela shouted, suddenly. She'd been rocking back and forth in horror since she'd held the trophy.

The students looked at each other.

"What are you talking about?" Sam demanded.

"Scooby over there is really good at finding clues," Rebecca answered, pointing to Connor who had wandered into a corner and was mumbling quietly to himself. Indeed, it appeared that he already was discussing this new development with his little friend.

"His ding dong answers questions" Laurel explained with an eye roll. "We tested it on the study guide for our law exam tomorrow."

"We're going to get away with it!" Connor finally announced triumphantly. "Also, Mr. Doo is of the belief that Lila killed herself and Sam killed his twin brother who was the owner of a cupcake shop."

"Denzel did own a cupcake shop," Sam said thoughtfully before remembering where he was. He then began to scribble furtively in a notebook he'd removed from his desk. He mumble to himself as he wrote for several minutes, leaving the students to their own devices.


End file.
